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Post by fishface on Mar 15, 2024 15:36:20 GMT -5
But notwithstanding that, I agree it was thoughtless.
Phar, you shop a lot online. You've just posted here that you bought a new bra and a new watch case.
You have *every* right to spend your money whichever way you feel.
But are you also telling your daughter (and granddaughter?) that you can't afford to be buying presents for everyone? Because if you are, then that might be difficult for your daughter to stomach. Hearing you say one thing and doing the opposite.
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Post by vinnyd on Mar 15, 2024 16:59:38 GMT -5
I am just speculating. Phar could tell us. But I have bought gifts on Amazon, and have included messages with them. Unless they have some special arrangement for birthday cards to be sent as gifts, i.e. to someone other than the recipient, with nothing showing the cost enclosed, then the message would be on a slip of paper enclosed with the gift.
Phar may have been thinking what you are thinking, that if you instruct someone to send a birthday card for you to someone else, and tell them what message to include, some human being would write the message on the card, rather than the Amazon computer just printing out the message separately as with all other gift orders.
As I say, she can tell us.
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Post by Queen on Mar 15, 2024 17:14:47 GMT -5
Woohoo! I made a sigline!!!
(and if you don't know about the Jewel Wasp google it... it's a treat).
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Post by HalcyonDaze on Mar 16, 2024 3:07:33 GMT -5
At 16, your grandson is probably going for his L's. Put some money towards driving lessons.
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Post by Phar Lap on Mar 17, 2024 20:08:07 GMT -5
Daughter and I live a long way from each other. Granddaughter also lives with her mother (my daughter). Having been unwell, I have not been working, and I have not been driving the car. The grandson in question is the one with extremely limited vision, his mother hovers over him. As I don’t know when I’m likely to see him, I purchased his birthday card on Amazon knowing it would be delivered to him. And yes, I did add a message. A message is usually typed and placed inside an envelope in the order.
Daughter was not pleased because there was no gift. She did not like anything at all, she did not Ike the message on a piece of paper, this is when I said, perhaps she could copy my message and write it on the card.
The main thing was there was no present. I thought it better for a grandchild to at least get a card than nothing at all. I really did think J would be pleased being told oh there something in the Mail for you! I intended to give him $20 the next time I saw him.
Really, just remembered, daughter’s daughter, my granddaughter turned 34 nine days ago, I sent her a birthday card from Amazon also. She hasn’t said anything about it. Oh wait, it’s a card, not a present. She’s 34, I always get her something, but haven’t been able to yet.
Someone asked how many grandchildren do I have? I’ll tell you - eighteen! Oops, sorry, no wait….seventeen grandchildren and one great grandchild. So either 18 or 17 plus 1!
Funny thing three of my boys have children, they always said mum you don’t have to buy them anything. Naturally I do. But it’s strange the boys have always said this. Daughter is the sort of person if you forgot to put one Smartie on a cake, you’d be up you know what creek without a paddle!
As for the watch box, it was returned. Common sense won.
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Post by Queen on Mar 18, 2024 3:46:03 GMT -5
OK, so you have some time before grandson's birthday. What are you going to do?
And what will you do next year to avoid the dramatics?
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Post by romily on Mar 18, 2024 5:30:17 GMT -5
I’m still confused – so do you get your boys children presents, but not your daughters? Or did you recently change, and communicate, to all your children that you can’t afford presents anymore? Because if that is clear, and one rule for all, it should be the end of it.
But then you mentioned that you would give grandson $20 when you see him next, whenever that is – why not send an amazon voucher for $20 when you want to spend the money? Or would that be not related to the birthday?
Does your daughter understand how hard it is for you to get out of the house and buy and post a card due to your health? Do all of your children know how much you struggle with your health?
I just think you need to be clear and unemotional about your future spending on all grandkids, regardless which son/daughter they belong to, and stick with it.
Then there will be no confusion and no reason for any upset.
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Post by Liiisa on Mar 18, 2024 5:53:18 GMT -5
Sounds like the daughter has issues, though. We have a relative like that, where you have to walk on eggs because she can get angry and assume the worst when whatever happened was just a result of miscommunication or an honest mistake.
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Post by vinnyd on Mar 18, 2024 13:21:12 GMT -5
Interesting that your mother has a great-great-grandchild.
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Post by sprite on Mar 18, 2024 13:47:44 GMT -5
That does blow the mind a little.
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Post by fishface on Mar 18, 2024 20:08:13 GMT -5
My nana missed out on that by about 2 months. It would have blown her mind to think one of her great grandchildren was old enough to have a child. I mean, tbf he shouldn't be. But you know, kids can be dumb.
It is still impressive though.
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Post by Webs on Mar 18, 2024 20:27:07 GMT -5
Either everyone gets or no one gets.
Instead of buying a card on amazon and shipping, order a years worth of birthday cards for everyone from amazon before the end of the year. Then pick who is getting which card, put them in order of birthdate and there you have an easy system for managing birthday card shipment to all the grandies. All you have to do is write a cute note and slip in a fiver and mail, a week in advance. Everyone gets a card and the same thing and then when it comes time to remember gran, they remember heheheeh gran always sent a card with a fiver. Including the great grandee - that's under $100 for birthday gifts for the year.
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Post by wombatrois on Mar 18, 2024 23:24:49 GMT -5
Listen to Webs - this is an excellent suggestion. You can even just go to the post office once and buy a book of stamps and then just pop the envelopes into a post box near you.
I know Australia post can increase the cost of postage, but if that happens, just visit the post office once and buy the appropriate number of additional stamps for the year.
Added bonus is we don't need to hear about your gift issues again (yes, that was tongue in cheek [kind of])
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Post by Phar Lap on Mar 19, 2024 1:24:42 GMT -5
Interesting that your mother has a great-great-grandchild. Only one great, Vinny. She will be 15 in nine weeks. Grandchildren ages are from 32 to under 8 months old.
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Post by groo on Mar 19, 2024 3:38:47 GMT -5
.... and I have difficulty keeping track of my so much smaller mob.
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Post by Liiisa on Mar 19, 2024 5:28:31 GMT -5
Webs' idea is brilliant
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Post by tinaja on Mar 19, 2024 9:08:02 GMT -5
Webs' idea is excellent. I couldn't keep track of 18, plus parentals. I have a niece birthday next week. That's a reminder to self.
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Post by snowwhite on Mar 19, 2024 9:43:46 GMT -5
Interesting that your mother has a great-great-grandchild. Only one great, Vinny. She will be 15 in nine weeks. Grandchildren ages are from 32 to under 8 months old. What? You have one great-grandchild, yes? (Plus the 17 grandchildren). Therefore your mother would have one great-great-grandchild (plus 17 great-grandchildren, or more, potentially, not knowing about off-spring of your siblings, supposing there are any). I will confess this was a thought I had after you posted about your mother the other day. Hope she's doing OK, btw.
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Post by vinnyd on Mar 19, 2024 15:24:04 GMT -5
Thanks, snow. I was trying to figure out where I had gone wrong.
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Post by Webs on Mar 20, 2024 17:51:53 GMT -5
The idea is one I employeed when I worked in a department where we made a big deal about each persons birthday. There were two birthdays at the end and beginning of the year that always got the short straw so I bought cards for each person at the beginning of the year and they were kept in my drawer with a specific card for each person. My boss let me expense this. This was when we had a Papayrus down the block. Even if I wasn't in, the card went around to everyone to sign.
It's not fool proof but it would eliminate forgetting or doing something percieved as rude.
Also, and we've said this many times Phar, if you can't get up to move around or go to the post office to buy a stamp then the only person you are harming is yourself.
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