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Post by romily on Jan 22, 2024 7:03:54 GMT -5
Are you interested, or do you know stuff about your family history? I know ether are people who can trace their heritage down to 1520 or something – and that I’s like a hobby for some. I personally up to know always found it a bit weird or didn’t really understand the need to know about my ancestors, I am who I am now, all that was relevant to me where my parents, maybe grandparents, eg people I directly interacted with during my life.
Recently I am digging into something that happened o my mother in her teens and had an impact on her mental health, as I feel it is relevant to who she became, and also to why I am in some situations as some of the behaviour is also imprinted on me. Keeping it vague on purpose.
During that “research” I ended up with questions that lead me back to my grandparents, why they acted like they did you know, that behavioural stuff that is being passed down generations? And I realised that I don’t really know anything about my Mums family – I had “cousins” whom I think really were great cousins, as their Mum somehow was related to my grandmother, but I never bothered to remember / find out how. So suddenly I would quite like to be able to have a family tree going back at least 2 generations…
At least on my mothers side on my fathers side there is a big nothing (Illegitimate child, father died in war), he only had his mother and brother once he arrive din West Germany and they are both dead.
My mums sister would have the answers – but we have not been in touch much over the eyras, I simply don’t like her a lot. Lots of jealousy between her and my Mum and my Mum wasn’t close to her. She was the one who told my Mum not to do palliative chemo but just let it happen – which is not something I would ever say to anybody, it’s such a personal decision. My mum refused to speak to her since then during the last 1.5 years of her life, but Mum’s husband O did. And now that Mum is dead they are all over O and invite and see him al the time, it’s all a bit strange.
So part of me is thinking of reaching out and making contact to maybe chat and ask some questions only she has the answers to – but a part of me is also worried that she will say stuff about mum that will really rile me up big time.
So yes, double question – does your family history mean something to you, do you feel it’s important and part of your identity? And in my case, would you jump over your shadow and reach out t aunt – it might be a positive nice conversation but could also backfire?
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Post by wombatrois on Jan 22, 2024 9:23:08 GMT -5
Yes, our family is reasonably interested and my father and his cousin (my second cousin) both did research a number of years ago. So we have quite a good family tree going back to the late 1700s. My mother's side is not so well researched and mum didn't really want to delve too much into her father's family b/c there were not happy memories of her father. Some relatives contacted mum at one stage, but she declined to engage with them.
The other part of your question is a tough one. For me, it would depend on how much I wanted to know about the family and how sure I was she (your aunt) could answer the questions. I think from knowing a bit from your posts, I would be hesitant to make contact.
This probably doesn't help you.
I will say that we found a smuggler, an illegitimate child (from the mother, in India!) and lots of ancestors in service or farm workers in the UK. The sad thing about the second one is that child did not marry or have children because of "the risk of handing down the gene" - it was of that time, but still very sad. I do wonder what the mother's life was like with her husband (my great grandfather) as he was reputedly a very dour and strict man. He refused to go the wedding of my youngest great aunt because she married a yorkshireman and a yorkshireman had flirted with his wife on the ship back from India (the wife who had the illegitimate child).
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Post by Webs on Jan 22, 2024 9:29:20 GMT -5
My family records stop because prior to arrival in the US because they have been lost or destroyed.
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Post by tinaja on Jan 22, 2024 9:57:08 GMT -5
I have done a lot of genealogy. Mostly my dad's side. I find it all quite interesting even when I got into a couple of hornets nests. But I look at it as solving mysteries. I do draw the line at DNA testing. The problem with people in the US only go back to when it was first colonized. We were from England to the best of my knowledge. I was just thinking about this last night. A trip to England with a purpose might be fun.
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Post by romily on Jan 22, 2024 11:00:25 GMT -5
My aunt could easily answer the rather basic questions I have - the question is what spin she would put onto it, and if some negative comments towards my Mum would come through which I do not want to deal with.
I have another great cousin who might know a bit and think I might contact her first, and also speak to my sister. This is all just two generations back - basically the life of my grandmother interests me as she party brought me up so I would like to know more about her life circumstances.
It's weird how I actively never was interested or "got it" and now all of a sudden it matters to me in some way.
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Post by tinaja on Jan 22, 2024 11:08:09 GMT -5
After my dad died I was sorry that I didn't ask him about his life. When he was living my mom told me not to ask. He fought in WWII and that is of interest to me. His friend/my mom's brother was no help. I guess that the point is that some people do not want to relive the past by talking about it. Others do.
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Post by psw on Jan 22, 2024 12:05:46 GMT -5
My aunt, mother's younger sister, knew all the family history. I tried many times to get at least a summary. without success. She's long gone, so unfortunately I'll never learn any more than the few scraps I picked up as a kid.
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Post by Queen on Jan 22, 2024 13:05:33 GMT -5
My uncle did a whole lot of research on my mum's side of the family and I have the documents from that. There are legends on my father's side, as he put it "fence jumpers in every generation" (think of randy rams in fields with fences between them and ewes). I think my family hoards all the funny stories and forgets the tragedies. As far as your situation goes romily could you ask aunt but say "please speak kindly about mum, I know you had your differences but I'm still in grief and I don't think I can hear the difficult stuff yet" Or something?
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Post by sprite on Jan 22, 2024 15:28:07 GMT -5
I am interested, but that's partly because i read a lot of family epic saga novels, and also because I now live where most of my family came from.
ONe of my uncles has done quite a bit for one branch of my family. Another cousin worked back another branch, but I'm quite confident he made a mistake about 2 generations before our grandparents--two men of the same name, his choice meant a 16 yr old boy married a woman in her late 20s. not impossible, but also not likely.
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Post by Queen on Jan 22, 2024 15:53:14 GMT -5
ONe of my uncles has done quite a bit for one branch of my family. Another cousin worked back another branch, but I'm quite confident he made a mistake about 2 generations before our grandparents--two men of the same name, his choice meant a 16 yr old boy married a woman in her late 20s. not impossible, but also not likely. On of those genealogy sites the wedding date of my father's parents is listed incorrectly. Which has been explained as a second marriage, not a terrible guess except that the putative wedding date is long after the listed children were born (making them all bastards) and after my grandfather's death. I COULD correct them. But it would have made my grandfather laugh and it will annoy future researchers so I'm leaving it.
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Post by sophie on Jan 22, 2024 16:06:34 GMT -5
Our family history is quite interesting but mostly anecdotal as most paperwork/ pictures / documents didn’t survive the various wars and migrations. Added problem is that especially in the old Soviet Union, information about families could be very politically sensitive and people tended to keep quiet if their family had been ‘privileged’. One cousin in Argentina (a Soviet emigre) knew nothing about his family background for that reason. On my mom’s side, one auntie had done quite a bit of research which had some Hungarian links back in the 1700’s. How accurate her stuff was is unknown. I would be interested in the Kazakhstan information and stories but no one who knows anything is still alive… actually haven’t been for decades.
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Post by ozziegiraffe on Jan 22, 2024 19:05:06 GMT -5
I know quite a bit of anecdotal information about my adoptive family. A friend who is really into family history traced my biological mother’s family, and they have done a lot of research. I did the DNA test in the hope of finding my biological father, but no connections emerged. We think he was someone we’ve found who was born in Tasmania.
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Post by kneazle on Jan 22, 2024 20:41:20 GMT -5
Like others have said a mix of research and family gossip.
There was a family reunion for one branch of the family when I was three (I remember there was a Donkey at the motel we stayed at and that I didn't get any of the cake) and a book was produced about the family history. Looking through that in my early 20's is how I found out we're related to Lord Nelson somehow.
My Grandma believed her Grandfather disgraced the family in some way and was sent to the colonies with an allowance and told never to come back.
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Post by Liiisa on Jan 22, 2024 21:42:11 GMT -5
I don't know anything about the family prior to their coming over here from various European countries (Italy, Germany, France, England, Ireland). I'm told the English portion contains Buffalo Bill and Emily Dickinson, and that some female relative in the 19th century used to sit in her attic window with a rifle, and that the brilliant woman who became our great-great-something Aunt Rose was originally the maid, which caused a scandal, and my great-grandfather owned a saloon; I have a photo of my 2-year-old grandfather standing in front.
Oh but wait, you asked a question. These little anecdotes of interesting, rebellious people in my background make me feel good, I guess, since I like people like that. But it's all just stuff I learned from talking to relatives; I've never done any research or anything, it's not so interesting as to become a hobby.
And that's about it. I would never give DNA to one of those ancestry places; I'm too paranoid for that.
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Post by kneazle on Jan 22, 2024 21:58:16 GMT -5
I forgot to say according to family legend we're descended from the child who was the result of an affair between Mary Queen of Scots and a gardener at one of the castles she was imprisoned in.
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Post by groo on Jan 22, 2024 22:44:34 GMT -5
You've got to be prepared for surprises. A friend grew up under the shadow of his grandfather, an austere veteran of the First World War who spoke gravely of his war experiences and always marched on Anzac day.
When J began researching family history he went to Canberra to research grandfather's war history and found that the old fraud had been guilty of desertion twice and spent a good part of his war years in the slammer.
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Post by kneazle on Jan 22, 2024 22:53:29 GMT -5
I heard a number of stories from my Nanna who lived to her 90's so she told me about growing up in the depression etc.
She told me about her uncle who fought in WWI. While he was away he got a letter from a woman telling him that his wife had been having an affair with her husband and had been around town living it up on the money from his army wage.
Needless to say he divorced his wife when he got back and tracked down the woman who'd written to him to thank her. They became friends and eventually fell in love and got married which is a lovely end to the story.
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Post by fishface on Jan 22, 2024 23:04:26 GMT -5
I'm interested but only to a point. I find things interesting to read what they've done or see pictures of them. I. Not so interested in claims of "first bricklayer in the South island" so much as "look at great grandpappy jim in his overalls after a hard day at work" or first or second hand sources. I would find it far more interesting to know what someone did day to day rather than a sweeping statement if that makes sense.
There is a heck of a gap on my dad's side due to his mother being a liar liar pants on fire regarding dad's father. The maori component is different again.
On mum's side I think I can follow some of them back to 1780 or so. Maybe earlier. Most I at least know back to maybe 1850.
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Post by groo on Jan 22, 2024 23:27:38 GMT -5
We are fortunate to have a copy of the journal that Great Grandfather Cornelius Groo (christian name is correct) kept on the brig "Gladstone" on his family's voyage from England to Australia in around 1880.
Among other things, when only 100 nm from Sydney his daughter died and was buried ar sea.
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Post by psw on Jan 22, 2024 23:56:18 GMT -5
All four of my grandparents immigrated to the US around the 1890s. The one I know most about is my maternal grandma, courtesy of the above-mentioned aunt. My grandmother's uncle came over fairly early after a brief stop in England, took one look at New York City and headed west. He was a pushcart peddler and somehow wound up in Montana, where my grandma was sent at about age 8 or nine with a tag around her neck. The uncle eventually opened a general store and had a small cattle ranch.
The story goes that as a peddler his most profitable merchandise was church paraphernalia - rosaries, crucifixes, sacred medals, etc. The Christians along the way were upset that this Jewish guy was carrying all their holy objects and would buy them in quantity at inflated prices, so the uncle had plenty of cash to buy more and sell them further down the road.
Grandma decided that she didn't want to spend her life as a farm wife, so as a teenager she headed east to some cousins who had not gone too far from Ellis Island. She had learned sewing, gardening, cooking, preserving foods and other female skills but she wanted more than that, which she found.
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Post by ozziegiraffe on Jan 23, 2024 2:44:04 GMT -5
My adoptive father’s father was born in Inverness, Scotland. He went to Johannesburg in the 1890s to do the plumbing for the Nobel dynamite works. Then he moved to Sydney, where he worked as a plumber for the Sydney City Council. He married the daughter of an Italian sailor born in Malta, who later became the baker in a small Australian country town, and witnessed the death of a bush ranger called Gilbert. Dad was born in 1907.
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Post by romily on Jan 23, 2024 3:07:53 GMT -5
Really interesting replies, thanks all!
My father started researching his past about ten years ago - his mother wasn't married to his father and he didn't even find out his father's name until after his mother passed away. via the red cross he managed to trace him and found out he died in the last days of the 2nd WW - he found some relatives of his father he contacted, and was then served with a no contact order from a lawyer - seems his fathers family lives in Switzerland and became seriously rich, and they were afraid he would try to get some of their money - it was a big disappointment to him and hurt him a lot.
Also found out that his stepfather who adopted him, and who also died at the end of the 2nd WW was very high up in the Nazi regime which is the reason they managed to get out of East Prussia (now Poland) before the Russians came - but again, it was a shock as he idolised that man, the only one who was ever good to him as a child. To then found out he must have been aware if not involved in the genocide was another shock.
I found some pictures that my aunt send us about a decade ago (back then I wasn't interested) from my mother's side of the family, back to 1905 - but I have no clue who is who and how they are related. but it seems somebody owned a book printing company that went bust in the great depression. It would be nice to know a bit more, how they all linked together, but am not sure if I really want to talk to her as I feel a lot of resentment to how she treated my Mum. Will need to think further on priorities, and will also have a chat with my sister, might be that she has the answers anyway. Or a great cousin of mine i am in loose contact with. They might all be at my nephews confirmation in May so maybe I can talk to them then.
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Post by Queen on Jan 23, 2024 3:12:31 GMT -5
My grandfather was the youngest of oh... lots. And a bunch of them went to Europe to fight in WW1.
After the war they were demobbed to the UK, but it took a while for transport ships to be available back to Kiwiland. Long enough for one of my great uncles to form a relationship.
Some years after the war a woman arrived in NZ with a 6-year-old, looking for him. By then he was married with kids. So my great-grandmother took her and the child in, took care of them, and eventually helped her find work and set up a home.
I've met that child, and she looks like ALL the cousins.
(And that pattern of a man producing a child and the women of the family solving the "problem" turns up a lot)
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Post by Liiisa on Jan 23, 2024 6:14:13 GMT -5
That's sad, groo! I'll admit I laughed to myself though because I read "100 nm" as nanometers at first, like damn so close.
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Post by tinaja on Jan 23, 2024 10:58:01 GMT -5
Very interesting stories. My mystery to solve is what happened to my great grandfather who was the father of dad's mom. He disappeared. My aunties had stories of how it went down, such as he went by horse and buggy to pick up his wife and never arrived. Some thought that he returned to Germany because he didn't like the US. Later stories were that he was a gambler who was known to carry a lot of cash. And was robbed and killed. The wife married or lived with 2 husbands after. I found it interesting that people got divorces back in the earlier 1900s in the US. Quite a few in the family.
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Post by lisamnz on Jan 23, 2024 20:26:44 GMT -5
Some years after the war a woman arrived in NZ with a 6-year-old, looking for him. By then he was married with kids. So my great-grandmother took her and the child in, took care of them, and eventually helped her find work and set up a home. Pretty sure I've read that book ;-) We know a reasonable amount about the families on both sides; enough elderly relatives have had interests in genealogy at various times to ensure we at least know names, dates, locations etc. But what I realised after my english grandparents died is that we don't know much of the interesting stuff and probably not many of us do; it's not the kind of thing you necessarily think to talk about until it's too late. My grandma wrote down a few stories in her last years, really interesting things about growing up in cockney London, going to Essex in the summer to pick hops, etc. IT's partly what prompted me to get my mum a subscription to Storyworth at Christmas to make sure that some of the things she knew got written down at some stage too. Her father was around during the time that some of the more isolated parts of northern New Zealand were being cleared for farming and she has lots of interesting recollections about that work, and living on quite basic isolated farms, etc.
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Post by lisamnz on Jan 23, 2024 20:27:21 GMT -5
(seriously though, imagine how brave - and desperate - you would have to be to sail to the other side of the world to look for someone you hadn't heard from in years?)
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Post by sophie on Jan 23, 2024 22:13:34 GMT -5
Yes, looking for lost family back then would have been quite the search. One of my uncles disappeared in Argentina after he was dispatched by my grandfather to buy a hacienda (this was soon after my family fled Russia during the revolution). Another uncle was sent to try and find him but that was unsuccessful. Family rumour had him disappearing on purpose as he didn’t like his wife, but in reality, he was probably killed for his money as the area of Argentina he was last seen in was very much a ‘wild west’ back then. Today it’s much more difficult to truly disappear.
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Post by jimm on Jan 24, 2024 0:13:58 GMT -5
The paternal side of my family has been well documented by others - there is even a website just for us.
I know hardly anything about my Mum's family, and that brings up an interesting thing that many 'family histories' seem to concentrate in the paternal line. My daughter started to trace back her mother's (Mrs Jimm) complicated maternal line and got back a few generations.
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Post by ozziegiraffe on Jan 24, 2024 2:51:36 GMT -5
My (adoptive) mother’s family were the first people to make jam commercially in Australia.
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