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Post by Phar Lap on Mar 12, 2024 17:34:45 GMT -5
I am so pi55ed off! Grandson turns 16 on 26 or 28 March. I bought a happy 16 birthday grandson card from Amazon. As youall would know, Amazon gives you the choice of writing a message. I wrote a message.
Today daughter (mother of grandson) rings me. We talk. She mentions the card. I asked if she could copy my message and write it in the card.
Daughter is not happy. Because it is a card. Just a card. Lad is 15 turning 16 and his “grandmother” sends him a card. Just a card. She is filled with righteous anger - her son receives a card. I then told her, listen write in the card “If I had five thousand dollars I’d send you a card from Hawaii”. She didn’t think it funny. We almost came to blows, I said something and ended with change the subject. She didn’t again I said change the subject or I will have to hang up. She didn’t so I hung up.
She asked me how would I feel if my grandmother only sent me a birthday card for my 16th birthday? I told her I would have said thank you.
Don’t mind me. My daughter and her daughter are so money minded.
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Post by lisamnz on Mar 12, 2024 18:41:16 GMT -5
to be honest, 16th birthdays are a pretty big deal still, and I think our kids would be a bit sad if all they got from a grandparent was a card.
What did you get the other grandchildren for their 16ths?
It doesn't need to be anything big or expensive - just something small but most importantly, thoughtful. It's not necessarily about money.
And do you really not know when your grandchildren's birthdays are?? how many do you have lol!
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Post by lisamnz on Mar 12, 2024 18:43:51 GMT -5
I mean, I don't understand - did you not buy him anything because you can't afford to, or because you don't know what to get? (IN which case ask his mum for a suggestion) Or... do you just not buy gifts for your grandkids' birthdays anymore?
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Post by Webs on Mar 12, 2024 18:46:14 GMT -5
Let's get this straight.
You went on to Amazon and purchased a birthday card. You expected Amazon to write on that birthday card and have it delivered to your grandson as if it was a postal delivery.
When the blank card was delivered, your daughter called and questioned your sanity and you thought that SHE should put your message in the card and you're wondering why she's mad?
You're nuts. You should have gone to a store, bought a card, signed, mailed it and maybe you wouldn't have gotten a call from your daughter calling you cheap.
Because if your lazy ass can order a card from Amazon, you can well afford to put a $20 bill in the envelope as a gift.
Geesh woman... Get help.
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Post by sophie on Mar 12, 2024 20:57:59 GMT -5
Yes, a 16th birthday is a big deal. You don’t need to spend much, but something special or meaningful would be appropriate.
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Post by whothingie on Mar 12, 2024 23:18:42 GMT -5
I didn't know 16 was the new 21st or 20th. 4 of my grand nieces, nephews, are 16 this year. Better get my act together as I may not make their 20 or 21sts and would be a shame to miss out on my largesse.
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Post by groo on Mar 13, 2024 0:07:21 GMT -5
For her 16th our daughter and her friends (all female) went out to dinner at the golf club, then came back to our place for a knees up. I suspected that alcohol would be heavily involved and as a member of the executive at their school did not wish to be compromised so took off to the caravan for the night, leaving Jude in charge. She handled it well.
I did not order her a card from Amazon - they were cheaper at Crazy Clint's, but I suspect that these days 18 is a more celebrated birthday as it is the age at which you can enter pubs and vote, though not necessarily simultaneously.
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Post by tzarine on Mar 13, 2024 0:15:43 GMT -5
in cali, posh parents gave car keys to the first car
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Post by fishface on Mar 13, 2024 4:04:01 GMT -5
I'm a little confused why you said you wrote a message but then asked your daughter to write a message.
You get gifts for your grandchildren, from what you've posted before. I'm not sure if you only do up to a certain age or of you just didn't for him?
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Post by Q-pee on Mar 13, 2024 5:13:26 GMT -5
in cali, posh parents gave car keys to the first car I feel the right answer might be somewhere between a blank card and keys to the car. |
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Post by Q-pee on Mar 13, 2024 5:18:14 GMT -5
What do you do for you grandchildren usually? You need to do the same for this child. You have two weeks to sort something out. If you don't want to shop or don't know what to get may I suggest a gift card for the movies? shop.hoyts.com.au/collections/e-gift-cards. If you don't want to do anything for the expanding number of grandchildren then you need to make that a rule - and discuss it with your children, and implement it on a specific date some time in the future. |
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Post by jimm on Mar 13, 2024 6:15:55 GMT -5
A person who is happy to buy an expensive box thingy for watches ffs should be quite capable and willing to buy a nice present for a grandchild. If I was the daughter I'd be furious.
It pains me to see these self centered posts from you. You appear to have no concept or care about the harm your behavior causes your family.
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Post by tinaja on Mar 13, 2024 8:25:47 GMT -5
Turning 16 for me meant that I could go to work. That's about it. No car. Cake. I didn't send my nieces extra on that birthday.
But if I understand correctly, you ordered his card via Amazon and thought that a message would be written inside? That's not how Amazon works. There was probably a slip of paper with the order with your message on it. I really don't understand why this approach.
A hand written note from any of my grandparents would be precious.
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Post by romily on Mar 13, 2024 10:12:54 GMT -5
I don’t even know why you are so pissed off. Because your DIL didn’t want to write your message? Because she expected a present not just a card?
Presents don’t have to be expensive, a thoughtful small present can mean a lot to somebody.
As others said, did you buy presents for other grandchildren? If it gets too much financially I would suggest to communicate openly to everybody that from today you won’t be sending gifts to grandkids anymore, and follow through, no matter the age. Or give gifts to everybody.
If not you are the arse for playing favourites.
BTW my sister cut my father out of her life – of course there is a long story behind it – when he stopped sending the then young children (5 and 7) gifts for their birthday, and didn’t even send a card but send a watts app message to her to congratulate them. These are his only 2 grandchildren and he is loaded. Totally different situations – but gestures matter, and you overreacting and hanging up on your daughter about something so insignificant does only reflect badly on you TBH.
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Post by romily on Mar 13, 2024 10:51:23 GMT -5
Yes, at least pick up the card and write on it yourself. I still have cards and letters from my grandmother who passed when I was 11 that I cherish a lot.
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Post by vinnyd on Mar 13, 2024 14:34:07 GMT -5
I did, for whatever that's worth.
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Post by sprite on Mar 13, 2024 16:13:23 GMT -5
I'd have laughed if it was in my grandma's handwriting.
You have a lot of grandkids, which in this day and age is a bit unusual. My working class-stay at home grandmother had 10 kids, 8 of whom had kids. We were lucky to get Christmas cards from here.
I agree that you need to set boundaries about what you'll be able to do for each milestone, or there will just be more of these arguements as your kids compare notes about who gets what and when.
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Post by Webs on Mar 13, 2024 17:43:26 GMT -5
I think the missing link here is that she shipped a blank card to her grandson and expected Amazon, a warehouse, not a person, to sign for her. It's the height of hubris and carelessness.
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Post by romily on Mar 14, 2024 2:46:45 GMT -5
And as usual, no reply from Phar as we didn't agree with her. Phar, care to update us?
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Post by Q-pee on Mar 14, 2024 4:58:58 GMT -5
I think the missing link here is that she shipped a blank card to her grandson and expected Amazon, a warehouse, not a person, to sign for her. It's the height of hubris and carelessness. Well yes. However we know from previous posts that Phar might not always cope well with the technology of the world so I'm giving her a pass on that part of the story. |
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Post by sprite on Mar 14, 2024 6:31:07 GMT -5
I have no faith in Amazon's ability to follow a customer's direction at all.
And if Phar isn't feeling well enough to get out and about, I can see why she went with an online order--you get exactly the card you want, not risking only having a small selection of crappy cards where she picks up her groceries.
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Post by fishface on Mar 14, 2024 7:25:05 GMT -5
Yeah i would believe what q said. Like with a florist where you can get them to write a message, maybe phar thought the same with the comment or instructions box.
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Post by fishface on Mar 14, 2024 7:28:49 GMT -5
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Post by lillielangtry on Mar 14, 2024 14:22:12 GMT -5
There are certainly companies you can use in the UK to choose, write and deliver a card for you - Moonpig is the best known name. I've used them in the past when I needed something to get there at short notice.
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Post by Webs on Mar 14, 2024 20:37:02 GMT -5
You know what, I just don't care. This not proper behavior and placing the blame on Amazon is lame.
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Post by groo on Mar 14, 2024 23:03:38 GMT -5
I think that some of us are being a little hard on Phar. She bought a card that was very much more expensive than the $1 effort that I would have bought at Crazy Clarks; a card of seemingly better quality and chosen, presumably, for its relevance and personal touch. Amazon offer to forward the card and add your message - not necessarily the path that I'd follow, but why not.
I think that I missed every grandchild's birthday last year bar one (an 18th); it's been a confused and rather harrowing year, but this has not diminished my relationship with any of them or with their parents.
Perhaps next year Phar could consider a $1 card from Crazy Clark and a $6.99 voucher for a decent bookstore, or maybe a nice religious icon from Pellegrinis.
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Post by vinnyd on Mar 15, 2024 13:52:37 GMT -5
I wonder if the confusion is that if you buy something to be sent as a gift from Amazon, you can include a message with it. But that doesn't mean that the message will be inscribed on the flyleaf of a book that you're giving or inside a card that you buy from Amazon to be delivered as a gift. It will be on a slip of paper included with the gift.
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Post by Q-pee on Mar 15, 2024 15:08:42 GMT -5
I'm sure that's the confusion.
But do you think that's what made the daughter mad or the lack of gift when other grand kids have been given something?
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Post by Liiisa on Mar 15, 2024 15:13:57 GMT -5
I think the anger may not be related to the card at all - if it's the daughter I'm thinking of, she and Phar have had conflicts around daughter's expectations in the past, so this could just be a continuation.
It would be great if the two of you could sit down and talk about what you are and are not willing to do around holidays and presents and whatnot. Maybe use one of the other kids as mediator.
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Post by fishface on Mar 15, 2024 15:31:43 GMT -5
I wonder if the confusion is that if you buy something to be sent as a gift from Amazon, you can include a message with it. But that doesn't mean that the message will be inscribed on the flyleaf of a book that you're giving or inside a card that you buy from Amazon to be delivered as a gift. It will be on a slip of paper included with the gift. I haven't bought much on Amazon. But certainly if i bought a birthday card with the option to write a personal message I would have thought it was going to be written in the card. It may sound crazy to those of you with 20 years experience of amazon, but not to me. It was a birthday card in which you had the option to leave a message and I think it is reasonable that someone could interpret that as writing in the card. |
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