Fake two faced people

[romily]

Why are fake people only spotted y the ones they treat like shit?

Long story short – previous manager A (he stopped to be my direct line manager 10 years ago but didn’t get promoted off site until about 6 years ago) very early on treated me – well, condescending is a nice word. Always made huge demands, never a thank you, but whenever I had ideas they got shot down with snarky comments when nobody else was around. First I thought it’s a man / woman thing (engineering mostly male coworkers) but he loves our secretary, she can do no wrong. Some mayor clashes over the years included him calling me into a room, and supposedly secretary said to him I am not nice enough and he literally screamed at me, out of the blue, that he will not accept me disrespecting her, blabla – he literally left me shaking. But generally it was more subtle, ignoring my opinion, shutting me out of conversations and similar. In many ways he reminds me of my dad, just not in a good way.

Or trying to – after we got taken over by a big global company he had to reirt to the global service manager who I got on brilliantly with and who was very own to earth, and to A’s annoyance invited me to lunches when he was visiting – I once heard A saying “Why is Romily coming she isn’t management” and global service manager saying “because she does a brilliant job and I want her to see how much I appreciate it” – loved it!

Thankfully this is all in the past, and in the last 2 years I had 2 different line managers, both brilliant, especially the one I have now. A slimed his way to the top and got moved to out=r office in Shanghai in 2018 (yay! Siberia would have been better but I take it!) and has nothing to do with my work anymore.

Now he has some senior position, god knows what, works remotely and comes into the office every now and then – like today. He briefly said hello and then ignored me, fine by me. But was all chatty and super friendly with other managers – and as one of them wanted to drag me in a conversation (it was about a place I traveled to) A changed the topic and turned his back to me, therefore practically shutting me off.

I honestly don’t care anymore, I have nothing to do with him and I don’t care if the bastard likes me. I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that the people he is nice to, aka other managers or people above him, all seem to like him and do not see what is blatantly in sight, aka that he treats certain people (it’s not only me) like absolute shit, is an arrogant twat, and has clear favourites.

Have you noticed similar in your life, work or private? People who are totally two faced, but only the ones who get the bad treatment see it? How the hell do they get away with it?

[Webs]

His power over you, which he relishes, is that you continue to have psychological emotions with this persons proximity.

To him you are of no consequence, yet his presence, even existence makes you angry.

I get that. There are people who I have to interact with who try to cut me down and make me feel less than. What do I do? I smile and yes them to death. But the next time they ask me to do something I find a way to give them minimal information and leave them to deal with their shit on their own.

[tinaja]

Yes when I was working I had to deal with that type. B. He was nice to my boss, so she believed that there was truth to what he said about me which was negative. I am not sure who else he treated that way, but the 2 people that he hired didn't stay long. And karma struck and he had a heart attack. He did turn things around after that. But he moved to another position rather outside of the main office. Not a peep from him after that. I think he grew up aa a military kid and was never anyplace long enough to make friends. Maybe a general type as a dad. In hindsight I kind of feel sorry for him. But the situation got me into therapy.

[Queen]

LOL it's so exhausting, but I try to look at it as their issues as much as possible.

At ex-ex-company I had a colleague who made my life hell, essentially because I got promoted to be team lead and she thought she should have the promotion because she'd been there six months longer than me. She was just awful. So I would come in every day and say "good morning, how are you today?" in my cheeriest tone.

She brought everything to a head in a very stupid way and ended up with no job for which she blamed me. I had almost nothing to do with it.

However since then I have been asked three times for an "off the record" referral.

She doesn't know it but I've torpedoed two of her job applications, and I haven't even seen her.

The third one she killed herself by yelling at the CEO in front of his subordinates, she was an interim manager at the time and they were thinking of offering her a full time position. Before my info got to the hiring manager she had killed her chances of ever working there again.

She very clearly has issues. B4 she got mad at me she used to ask me for advice on personal questions... Me "I don't know, don't you have friends you can ask about this?" Her "no".

[sprite]

i dunno.
I have no ability to play games and hate conflict, so I tend to be nice to everyone, even the ones I dislike. the worst i witnessed was a colleague who used to slag off another colleague when he wasn't around--she was full time, and he was freelance, so there was a real power imbalance there. at the time, we were between managers and she wasn't complaining to anyone senior so I just shrugged it off.
I now regret not letting the new manager in on it, but I only overlapped with them but a couple of weeks so it might have been strange, "hi, nice to meet you, btw, jane is a misery guts and has it in for dave." I did call out her source of the gossip, and i just have to hope that other people ould see how wierd her obsession was.

my worst intrepetation of this scenario is that the other managers think it's ok to blank others who aren't important--even though they might think you're a person worth including. so it's nothing for them to observe it--does that make sense?
or, they feel quite uncomfortable with his dick moves and prefer to pretend nothing is happening.

[tzarine]

this sounds like corporate places ive worked @
all the personality power plays really got in the way of the work

one lovely dick let a bunch of really competitive 20 & 30 somethings go @ each other.
backstabbing, sabotage

[wombatrois]

I'm right in the middle of a vipers nest right now. It's exhausting and I'm trying to find another job. Major issue is a narcissist with sociopathic tendencies. She's being managed at the moment, but by my new director who is a control freak .... (and then there are my direct reports who won't take direction)

[ozziegiraffe]

I’ve had a few impossible school principals in my 50-year career, but the more subtle one was the office manager in a recent school. She had moved there from another school where I’d worked, and she always seemed to have favourites among the female staff. I was never one of them. She’s good at her job, and always does what is necessary, but I just had the subtle feeling she doesn’t think much of me. It’s funny, because I almost always get on famously with other people in the same position in other schools.

[romily]

Thankfully in the last 8 (?) years I had close to no contact with him, and now he seems to come into the office once a month - but his job is so far removed from me that we have no work interactions anymore.

It just stings thinking of how he treated me when he was in power, and his behaviour towards me - dismissive to say the least, but also cutting into conversations I had with coworkers and cutting me off - just got my back up. This back stabbing can't hurt me professional anymore, but it still made me angry on a personal level - and that's on me, I know.

I think he reminds me off my Dad in too many ways which triggers me.

May he soon retire and never be seen again. And not come to the office often when I am there until he does (he is well in retirement age but bragged yesterday that he doesn't need the money but enjoys contributing to the company's success - pass me the bucket).

What baffles me is that otherwise intelligent people don't see him for who he is, if they are on his list of people he treats nicely.

[Liiisa]

the other managers think it's ok to blank others who aren't important--even though they might think you're a person worth including. so it's nothing for them to observe it--does that make sense?

I think it's this.

There used to be a whole suite of people at my office where if you weren't on their level, if you passed them in the hallway it was like you didn't exist, and I always just rolled my eyes, like yeah you're such an Important Person, ooh, but you don't realize that the rest of us are laughing at you for being obsessed with your job.

[ozziegiraffe]

I think there are a class of men who are so entitled they are oblivious to anyone else’s feelings.

[Queen]

Mar 19, 2024 3:06:46 GMT -5 romily said:

(he is well in retirement age but bragged yesterday that he doesn't need the money but enjoys contributing to the company's success - pass me the bucket).

Translation: he has no friends, no hobbies, and his wife doesn't want him home All The Time.

[romily]

His kids are out of the house, his wife retired and then moved to North Wales a few years ago after being there on holiday in summer for years - maybe the move wasn't what he expected after living in a University town in the SE of England? And I think he is bored to tears, and yes, probably not welcome all the time!

[Queen]

Called it


He's pitiful, I'm sure lots of people have seen through his bravado and are tolerating him.

[tzarine]

my friend in tokyo told me that our evil boss' son perished on 9/11
the secretaries typed all his college apps