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Post by lisamnz on Feb 7, 2024 22:44:13 GMT -5
it's probably one of those things that if we (kiwis) all sat and thought about it for a while and went through all the things that could possibly go wrong we might not do it lol
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Post by psw on Feb 7, 2024 23:50:18 GMT -5
One reason for married couples to have everything joint was that in many states a married woman could not have either a bank account or a credit card solely in her name. That was changing at about the time I went back to work, so I got one of each. I also wanted to be able to get gifts, etc., for Mr.W or my own friends, or just stuff or myself, without them showing up on the joint account. Progress!!
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Post by lillielangtry on Feb 8, 2024 2:35:08 GMT -5
I agree that this is two issues.
As for people's comments, try to let them roll off you. It's not their life and not their money. If they weren't saying something stupid about your holiday, it'd be something else.
But as for your sister, I'm astonished. My mum used to send me to stay with her living-abroad sister when I was a kid and of course my parents paid for my flight!! In fact my mum used to give me cash and instructions to pay for dinner or something as well. Plus she sent gifts, of course. I hope there's some way the two of you can talk this through.
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Post by romily on Feb 8, 2024 3:08:49 GMT -5
Thanks lillie - it is what it is now, I promised the visit to my nephew and the costs are on me, I know my sister, she won't budge at all. I can just be very careful about future plans / agreements.
As to joining finances - if you are not married you have no rights in the UK (maybe if you register a civil partnership) but not if you just live together. I learned that the hard way. After the experiences I made in my life I cannot imagine that I will ever trust anybody with my money, or put myself into a vulnerable position - I am probably so paranoid about it that it could be a potential deal breaker in a potential future relationship.
I briefly saw something on BBC news yesterday about pension reforms and how much you would need in a private pension to live a moderate life style and changed the channel very quickly - basically it was like £500k in private pension and I am at least a zero short of that number. Government pension does get you a few £ over the poverty line. That's the really scary bit. And the reason why I save where I can, even though in the grand scheme of things it probably won't make a big difference, but I can only go with the "every penny counts" approach and hope for the best. Whilst still living my life now (aka enjoy the things I love like travel).
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Post by sprite on Feb 8, 2024 5:11:10 GMT -5
It's not completely true that 'common law' couples have no rights. For example, if I were paying into the mortgage of this house, I would have part ownership and my partner would have to buy me out if we split. But, even if I just paid into maintenance, like a new boiler or the roof people fixing holes, I would still have a claim on some of the house value, because I contributed to it having that value. Essentially, if you'd had a decent lawyer, you probably could have gotten money out of your dick ex. But then, how much of that money would go to the lawyer?
And did that pension number include housing? Because if you own a home, that's the biggest expense gone. In a pinch, after retirement you could even move somewhere smaller/cheaper and rent out the flat you own.
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Post by sprite on Feb 8, 2024 5:15:52 GMT -5
On the theme of joint budgets, I've just seen that... last month, we went into overdraft because we weren't putting in the right amount to cover monthly bills (not my fault), but when I totted up the new numbers, partner didn't understand and he put in too much.
and then, last month i didn't divide the credit card bill by 2, so we each paid double.
and now I have to do the math for all of that to make sure we both pay in the right amount this month... sob.
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Post by romily on Feb 8, 2024 8:10:18 GMT -5
The flat we lived in was rented in his name, and I gave him half of the rent. Nothing in writing. And as I barely had enough money for a security deposit to move out and get new furniture (only had a futon to sleep on and sofa for 3 months as I gave up all my furniture when I moved in with him) definitely no money for a lawyer. Plus he was loaded. Anyway, water under the bridge, but because of it the thought of ever merging my finances with another human being freaks me out!
I don't know about the pension figure - I literally changed channels quickly. BUT - renting out the flat is not as easy as it sounds when it's leasehold. I could only offer 6 months leases to tenants and would have to pay £300 every 6 months to the leasehold company to get permission to let out the flat to start with.
I'm just trying not to think about it, and live with the vague plan that, unless major things in my life change, I will leave the UK upon retirement. And either be very radical and bugger off to live in Central America or the like, or have a base in Germany (where they have to at least give me proper health insurance as I am a citizen), something cheap to rent, and escape to somewhere cheap and sunny in India in winter. Some weird stuff like that. But I know 100% that, should I still be single, I won't stay in the UK when I retire. I have seen too many horror stories about care of the elderly recently, and that was with people who had families fighting for them.
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Post by wombatrois on Feb 8, 2024 8:39:21 GMT -5
To add to my "joint account" detail above, we do have our own separate credit cards and the subsequent accounts that go with those, so we have no idea what each is spending on or how much (until the monthly statements are paid, although we might say, I've got a massive credit card bill this month :-D ).
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Post by sprite on Feb 8, 2024 9:51:36 GMT -5
ah, if rented, then no, no claim. he's still an ass. yeah, if it wasn't for my partner and parents, I might consider central/south america a very attractive retirement option.
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Post by Liiisa on Feb 8, 2024 12:11:31 GMT -5
To add to my "joint account" detail above, we do have our own separate credit cards and the subsequent accounts that go with those, so we have no idea what each is spending on or how much (until the monthly statements are paid, although we might say, I've got a massive credit card bill this month :-D ). That's what we have too. It's just too complicated and tedious to have to constantly discuss things when costs are coming out of a shared account! We each have our own credit cards, retirement funds, and bank accounts and then each contribute to the shared account in some fair way. We renegotiate every so often - like my phone contribution is more since he's still living in the 1990s, etc.
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Post by shilgia on Feb 8, 2024 13:23:00 GMT -5
Some people do it the other way around - a joint account, but each partner has a separate $X/month that they can spend however they like. Functionally the same thing as having separate accounts and each putting money into a joint account for joint expenses, and for some people this prevents arguments about spending too much on whatever specific thing.
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Post by romily on Feb 9, 2024 3:02:53 GMT -5
What amused me is that my trainer and his wife both have an amazon prime account - they realised this recently as they looked on where to save money - and both were - no way can we share an amazon account, I don't want my partner to see all the stuff I buy online! (Her more cosmetics, hair stuff, him all his gym stuff). Made me laugh!
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Post by tzarine on Feb 10, 2024 22:14:54 GMT -5
tzar used to do these spreadsheets w budgets hurt my brain
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Post by Liiisa on Feb 10, 2024 22:38:05 GMT -5
I don't budget with my spreadsheet, just keep track of the outflow and if it starts looking higher than usual then I know that I need to hold off on any fun stuff until next month.
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Post by veronicainsocks on Feb 10, 2024 22:49:58 GMT -5
I don’t budget, husband keeps a spreadsheet so we know how much we spend monthly. We don’t look for specials, don’t shop around. We could be saving thousands more but we like comfort of not caring.
We don’t have any debts or a mortgage. Since kid left home and one dog died, we are only spending 5-6k a month. And we are not extravagant or anything. Travel costs not included.
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Post by sprite on Feb 12, 2024 5:13:40 GMT -5
Ron, you're gonna need to redefine 'extravagant'.
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Post by veronicainsocks on Feb 13, 2024 12:41:16 GMT -5
Sprite- do a spreadsheet…. I also thought it was less…
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Post by veronicainsocks on Feb 13, 2024 12:44:24 GMT -5
Now after having 2 big dogs for 14 years… we have to refinish the floors , $3 per square foot. It will be about $3000. Buy new couch(dogs ruined everything) - I want shopping to see, it’s $2800-3000 2 New rugs - $800 And other small things…. $500?
And that’s NOTHING luxurious. Just normal stuff. A nice couch is 7-10k.
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Post by Liiisa on Feb 13, 2024 12:53:00 GMT -5
Note to self: no dogs
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Post by lisamnz on Feb 13, 2024 16:41:55 GMT -5
This is what happens when you let dogs on the furniture. Ours aren't allowed on anything - beds, sofas, chairs.
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Post by Liiisa on Feb 13, 2024 17:03:03 GMT -5
What if you're out, though? Don't the dogs do whatever they want?
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Post by lisamnz on Feb 13, 2024 17:15:13 GMT -5
Nope. they are Good Dogs.
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Post by lisamnz on Feb 13, 2024 17:17:11 GMT -5
We'd know too, I knew when one of the dogs was sleeping on a lounge chair cos he left loads of hair behind. But he was quite new to us then and hadn't learnt the rules. They don't go in the kitchen either. Or upstairs in the cabin. Or leave the property. We never tie them up or put them in kennels. We just say 'stay home' and leave. We can leave food out on the bench in the kitchen all day with nobody home and they won't touch it.
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Post by fishface on Feb 13, 2024 17:49:54 GMT -5
My aunty had two good dogs. One day she came home and they were playing and jumping in her bed. They discovered how fun a duvet cover could be if they jumped around. Pillows, sheets, duvet, blanket etc all over the place.
Well trained German shepherd and a huntaway but one day they threw caution to the wind. Hehe
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Post by romily on Feb 13, 2024 19:01:52 GMT -5
Note - don't live where Ron lives, my couch was about £500 and I'm still happy with it 12 years down the line!
Cats can be destructive as well, but my two have enough cat furniture that I never had a problem. Hair you have with both cats and dogs but that just I is what it is.
I was thinking about budgets today. Walking through the big supermarket in Barbados, all prices are about 5 times than what things cost in the UK, it's madness. I'm glad I knew in advance and brought some food basics with me, and am having the odd lunch at a local food truck. Without self catering this place would bankrupt me - I don't mind spending extra $ for a snorkel tour, that's a treat and will be a memory I cherish, but paying $ 60 for a simple pasta dish or a burrito, without drinks or tips? Madness, and no relation between spending and enjoyment. Happy in my air bnb with self catering!
But with a bit of pre planning this trip actually turns out rather cheap, all beaches, hikes and so on are free, and I'm having a great time.
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Post by Liiisa on Feb 13, 2024 19:36:33 GMT -5
Depends on your definition of "nice couch," too, of course.
Our couch was free (Victorian sofa that had been my grandmother's, and someone else's in the family before that). We do need new armchairs, though. We bought these chairs about 10 years ago and they're kind of falling apart. Ironically the 150-year-old sofa is in pristine condition, largely because it's too dainty to sit in for very long.
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Post by tzarine on Feb 13, 2024 19:42:09 GMT -5
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Post by lisamnz on Feb 13, 2024 20:07:07 GMT -5
The sofa (US people would call it a sectional) that we bought about five years ago cost, I think, NZ$1600 and we thought that was a lot! But it replaced two very old sofas that we had got from my sister 8 years before and she had had them for quite a while before that (in fact, she'd had them so long one had been relegated to a dog bed lol so that required a very good clean)
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Post by veronicainsocks on Feb 14, 2024 2:36:26 GMT -5
This is what happens when you let dogs on the furniture. Ours aren't allowed on anything - beds, sofas, chairs. They just had to sit next to me …. Or i would be subjected to those brown eyes. Fuckers we’re very good with those eyes…
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Post by veronicainsocks on Feb 14, 2024 2:39:22 GMT -5
Two sofas ago….
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